Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I Once Was Lost...
I have amazing friends who introduce me to new and exciting things. We explore new restaurants and shops an find festivals and fun things to do all over town. My problem is that I become totally obsessed with something and spend, spend, spend. My husband and I have had discussions about my shopping, and the problem is not that I buy things, the problem is that I will obsess about a specific brand or designer...usually a horribly expensive one. I don't have any problem with spending money on a quality item, but lately I have spent money on 15 of something from the same designer or store. Now, I am not saying that I am over my Tory Burch or my Lululemon...what I am saying is that I am making a huge effort to not go shopping. I know plenty of people that can afford to buy all of the amazing things that I love, and 99% of them buy sparingly and make smart choices. For a few months, I became one of the 1% that just couldn't stand not checking out the new inventory and buying as much as possible. So what did that get me...a larger credit card bill and a closet with quite a few expensive items that I have never worn. I don't know what has finally brought me back to a normal existence...and by normal I only mean that I am actually trying to not go shopping or when I do, I find that I am looking at less expensive things like Toms. (And I am not buying 3 or 4 pair at a time.) I am thinking it is a mixture of events an life changes that finally did it. I have been working an obscene amount between 2 jobs and school, so I have no time to think and look at all of the amazing things I want, but also I think maybe I have remembered who I was and gained a little confidence. Now, for anyone who knows me, you know that I am pretty darn confident. I share opinions and ideas and have no problem having all eyes on me, but there is a totally self conscious part of me that I can't seem to get rid of. I am not saying that I have finally overcome my insecurities, but I am saying that I have been feeling a bit better about myself recently. I am not constantly looking at myself thinking that I am huge, or my face is puffy, or that my clothes are horrible. I have not spent as much time wondering why some of the amazing people I call friends, would even consider talking to me. There is still some time spent thinking about these things, but not quite as much. I feel better. I am not trying so hard to be worthy based on my clothes or things because I feel as though these things will make me look "better" to others. I have remembered who I was. I remember the girl who didn't talk about fat, calories and sodium. I remember the girl who was more comfortable in Chacos than Coach. The girl who covered her roof rack with stickers of amazing places because it made me feel good. It is also a good feeling having a decent amount of $ in the bank after bills are paid. Now, just to make sure you all understand...I still love the good stuff. I will not skimp on quality or what I want. I just don't feel like I NEED the $500 Tory Burch Pyramid Hobo so I can be a better person, I am a better person because I merely WANT the Tory Burch Pyramid Hobo and will save up for it...or maybe I will spend the money elsewhere. But the change in me is that I know I don't HAVE TO have it. I like me, my friends like me (G-d knows why) and my husband...he adores me (especially when I am not spending all my money on yoga pants).
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Pros and Cons of 3-14-2013
Things that annoyed me today:
1. I am on day 2 of a 7 day straight work schedule (all opening shifts). This by itself does not annoy me, but having a co-worker call in for the second day in a row means that I was covering my department alone until 1pm. I understand if you just can't work, but if you are calling in because you had a non-cancerous spot removed on your back and the incision site hurts...please...wimp. But I totally understand that you need to rest, it just sucks not having help.
2. The person who did come in at 1 today, well...he...kind of sucks. Our schedules overlapped for an hour and I saw him for all of 10 minutes in our department. Which means I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes because he would rather socialize that work. I am all about chatting and having a good time, but do your job. Why am I the only one who seems to do anything around here? Sheesh.
3. A guy that I met through my previous employment at a vet clinic just acted like a total 12 year old. We were acquaintances due to my job and we had a religious bond...that's about it. Why do I get a text that says "Thanks for not calling me like you said you would. I'm erasing your number." Seriously? I am working 2 jobs and going to school on top of my home life. I am doing what I can not to stress and/or burn out with everything I have on my plate...and you want to squabble about a phone call? Please. So then I respond with why I haven't called (i.e. busy) and that I am not in the mood for this so I will erase your number as well. Good day sir. So what should be the end...is now an argument. Back and forth a few times to which I finally respond that he is adding too much shit to my day and that I am not going to feel bad about taking care of what I need to take care of in order to maintain my lifestyle and also better my life. To quote my amazing mother "uuuhhh....fuck you." (And yes, I do actually come from a wonderful mid/upper class family and we are not white trash...just open minded and opinionated, which justifies my "in the middle" lifestyle statement from an earlier post)
Things that made me happy today:
1. Working my ass off at work and proving that some people still have a good work ethic and are willing to work hard.
2. New Dansko shoes. So happy to have comfy work shoes!!!
3. The biggest hug and "I love you" from my Nana.
4. Having the most amazing and sweet husband in the world. Not that he did anything different today than any other, he is just awesome.
5. Puppy kisses (dogs really but when they are yours...they are always babies)
1. I am on day 2 of a 7 day straight work schedule (all opening shifts). This by itself does not annoy me, but having a co-worker call in for the second day in a row means that I was covering my department alone until 1pm. I understand if you just can't work, but if you are calling in because you had a non-cancerous spot removed on your back and the incision site hurts...please...wimp. But I totally understand that you need to rest, it just sucks not having help.
2. The person who did come in at 1 today, well...he...kind of sucks. Our schedules overlapped for an hour and I saw him for all of 10 minutes in our department. Which means I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes because he would rather socialize that work. I am all about chatting and having a good time, but do your job. Why am I the only one who seems to do anything around here? Sheesh.
3. A guy that I met through my previous employment at a vet clinic just acted like a total 12 year old. We were acquaintances due to my job and we had a religious bond...that's about it. Why do I get a text that says "Thanks for not calling me like you said you would. I'm erasing your number." Seriously? I am working 2 jobs and going to school on top of my home life. I am doing what I can not to stress and/or burn out with everything I have on my plate...and you want to squabble about a phone call? Please. So then I respond with why I haven't called (i.e. busy) and that I am not in the mood for this so I will erase your number as well. Good day sir. So what should be the end...is now an argument. Back and forth a few times to which I finally respond that he is adding too much shit to my day and that I am not going to feel bad about taking care of what I need to take care of in order to maintain my lifestyle and also better my life. To quote my amazing mother "uuuhhh....fuck you." (And yes, I do actually come from a wonderful mid/upper class family and we are not white trash...just open minded and opinionated, which justifies my "in the middle" lifestyle statement from an earlier post)
Things that made me happy today:
1. Working my ass off at work and proving that some people still have a good work ethic and are willing to work hard.
2. New Dansko shoes. So happy to have comfy work shoes!!!
3. The biggest hug and "I love you" from my Nana.
4. Having the most amazing and sweet husband in the world. Not that he did anything different today than any other, he is just awesome.
5. Puppy kisses (dogs really but when they are yours...they are always babies)
Monday, March 11, 2013
The day after...
Sunday Funday
It is hard to realize what is going on around you when you are all of a sudden busier than you have ever been. For the last few months I have been so wrapped up in what I am doing and what I need to do that I have forgotten to relax and have play dates with my friends. Seeing one of my very best friends Saturday for what felt like the first time in months pained me so much. I know that is a weird feeling to have but that is how I felt. I was so sad that we hadn't seen each other for so long and that I have been too busy and tired to make the effort. I was so upset that I felt like I had no idea what was going on with her. So I did the only thing there was to do...Sunday funday with my bestie. We went to lunch and drank mimosas and got all caught up. Then we had a few more mimosas and shot the shit just for good measure.
Some days I look at my friends and wonder why the hell they are even friends with me. I am one of those crazy people that is totally extroverted and loves to talk and joke and have all the attention, but is also super self conscious. I look at these gorgeous and intelligent women who I am lucky to call friends and wonder what the hell they are doing with a chubby, goofy girl like me. I have always had this underlying fear that I am never good enough. That I am always the one people pity and put up with or just have around as a backup plan. But then my friends say something or do something so heartwarming and I realize that I am just being crazy. I love my friends because they love me for being me. For being brutally honest, silly, giving and totally marching to my own drummer. I may not be able to see them as much as I want or talk to them as much as I want, but I absolutely adore them and could never express how much they truly mean to me. What I can do however is drink mimosas and cherish every moment. Thanks for an amazing day :-)
Some days I look at my friends and wonder why the hell they are even friends with me. I am one of those crazy people that is totally extroverted and loves to talk and joke and have all the attention, but is also super self conscious. I look at these gorgeous and intelligent women who I am lucky to call friends and wonder what the hell they are doing with a chubby, goofy girl like me. I have always had this underlying fear that I am never good enough. That I am always the one people pity and put up with or just have around as a backup plan. But then my friends say something or do something so heartwarming and I realize that I am just being crazy. I love my friends because they love me for being me. For being brutally honest, silly, giving and totally marching to my own drummer. I may not be able to see them as much as I want or talk to them as much as I want, but I absolutely adore them and could never express how much they truly mean to me. What I can do however is drink mimosas and cherish every moment. Thanks for an amazing day :-)
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Blue Toes
Why tattoos and Tory???
In my 33 years I have always been a little of both. When I
say a little of both, I mean that I have seen validity in both sides of most arguments.
I do not however tend to be wishy-washy when it comes to how I feel about topics.
It is just that in the broad scheme of things I am in the middle…or really that I
have differing opinions…well…here is an example and you tell me the word for
what I am.
I currently have 12 tattoos (and will definitely be getting more) and I love expensive things. I love Tory Burch shoes and bags. I love Lulu Lemon clothes. I love David Yurman jewelry. I love my 9 ear piercings, nose ring, navel and hood piercings. I love the purple (now kind of hot-pinkish) highlight in my hair. I love botox and facials. I love guns, motorcycles and old cars. I love getting my nails done. I love watching Steeler football. I love getting dirty. I love getting dolled up. So that is just a tiny iota of the craziness that I call me. There are so many other topics (such as the economy, religion, gun control, death penalty, etc…) that I am all over the place on.
So, the jest of me is that I like a little of everything and have random and unconnected feelings and views and opinions.
I currently have 12 tattoos (and will definitely be getting more) and I love expensive things. I love Tory Burch shoes and bags. I love Lulu Lemon clothes. I love David Yurman jewelry. I love my 9 ear piercings, nose ring, navel and hood piercings. I love the purple (now kind of hot-pinkish) highlight in my hair. I love botox and facials. I love guns, motorcycles and old cars. I love getting my nails done. I love watching Steeler football. I love getting dirty. I love getting dolled up. So that is just a tiny iota of the craziness that I call me. There are so many other topics (such as the economy, religion, gun control, death penalty, etc…) that I am all over the place on.
So, the jest of me is that I like a little of everything and have random and unconnected feelings and views and opinions.
Vegan-ish
So on my quest to find my inner
skinny bitch, I have tried everything over the years. I have tried
Nutri-System, Medi-Fast, Weight Watchers, P90X and countless OTC diet meds.
Nothing works. I am sure some people out there just need a little jump start and
it can work for them...but my will power SUCKS! This is proven by my unflinching
need to spend tons of money on ridiculousness. (i.e. Tory Burch) Over the past
3 months I have been taking an Rx called Adipex and one called Lipo-trim. The
Lipo-trim helps in the breakdown of fats in the body and thus helps in weight
loss, but does not cause a sudden drop in weight. Adipex on the other hand focuses
on appetite. “Adipex-P (phentermine) is a stimulant that is similar to an
amphetamine. Adipex-P is an appetite suppressant that affects the central
nervous system.” I take Adipex because I have a self-proclaimed food addiction
and the Lipo-trim is just an added bonus.
No, I am not dumb enough to think that a pill is the answer to my prayers. I do however know that the Adipex is curbing my appetite enough to make me snack less and be able to make better food choices when meal time comes because I am not dying of hunger by 5pm. I have dropped 12 pounds in 3 months with diet and yes…exercise. I wish I worked out more, but with 2 jobs, school, a husband, house and 3 dogs…you can say things are a little busy.
Let’s get on to the “Vegan-ish”. I have always thought that eating organic and clean was the way to go. But thinking and doing are 2 very different things. Taco Bell is just so damn good…I mean icky…love…hate. So over the past few months I have been inserting more organic foods into my diet. I drink light soy milk, eat kashi cereal, organic almond butter…etc. I did this because these foods are better for me, and quite yummy I may add. My best friend is having a rough go with migraines and has recently completely changed what she puts in her body…she went Vegan. I made fun a little because she orders veggie plates with no butter or oil when we go to dinner, but I know she was doing it in order to hopefully control her migraines. She has also dropped G-d knows how much weight without trying all that hard. So with her pestering me to try going Vegan to lose weight…I finally agreed. I am trying it for a month to see how I feel.
I say Vegan-ish because I am trying to be strict on the diet, but there will be a few things I let slide. I will continue to each fish and the occasional egg. I say this in hopes that it will be very rare. I have stocked my fridge and cabinets with vegan supplies such as soy crumbles, tofu and vegan noodle bowls. However, there is the occasional egg in some things such as the Haman Tashen I couldn’t resist (see will power issues) and the gluten free whole grain pizza dough I made. I went all out at Kroger getting replacements for all of the things I love. I am on day 4 now and have tried quite a few new-ish things. Lol. The things I am most proud of are my dinner meals. Gluten free vegan-ish calzones on Tuesday and vegan sloppy joe’s with brown rice last night. I will post how to’s somewhere.
No, I am not dumb enough to think that a pill is the answer to my prayers. I do however know that the Adipex is curbing my appetite enough to make me snack less and be able to make better food choices when meal time comes because I am not dying of hunger by 5pm. I have dropped 12 pounds in 3 months with diet and yes…exercise. I wish I worked out more, but with 2 jobs, school, a husband, house and 3 dogs…you can say things are a little busy.
Let’s get on to the “Vegan-ish”. I have always thought that eating organic and clean was the way to go. But thinking and doing are 2 very different things. Taco Bell is just so damn good…I mean icky…love…hate. So over the past few months I have been inserting more organic foods into my diet. I drink light soy milk, eat kashi cereal, organic almond butter…etc. I did this because these foods are better for me, and quite yummy I may add. My best friend is having a rough go with migraines and has recently completely changed what she puts in her body…she went Vegan. I made fun a little because she orders veggie plates with no butter or oil when we go to dinner, but I know she was doing it in order to hopefully control her migraines. She has also dropped G-d knows how much weight without trying all that hard. So with her pestering me to try going Vegan to lose weight…I finally agreed. I am trying it for a month to see how I feel.
I say Vegan-ish because I am trying to be strict on the diet, but there will be a few things I let slide. I will continue to each fish and the occasional egg. I say this in hopes that it will be very rare. I have stocked my fridge and cabinets with vegan supplies such as soy crumbles, tofu and vegan noodle bowls. However, there is the occasional egg in some things such as the Haman Tashen I couldn’t resist (see will power issues) and the gluten free whole grain pizza dough I made. I went all out at Kroger getting replacements for all of the things I love. I am on day 4 now and have tried quite a few new-ish things. Lol. The things I am most proud of are my dinner meals. Gluten free vegan-ish calzones on Tuesday and vegan sloppy joe’s with brown rice last night. I will post how to’s somewhere.
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